does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
