Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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