The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
