I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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