i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
