god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
