Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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