So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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