I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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