You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
