Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
