I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
