i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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