dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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