I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
