you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
