i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
