Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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