I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
