Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
