Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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