So drunk its hurt
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
