the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
