i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
