I'm lost and stupid without you.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
