he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
