I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my poor anus
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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