Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
