it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
