I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
