there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
