Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Randomize
