What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
