dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
