Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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