Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
