But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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