capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
