We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
