I want to stick my p in your. b.
there's paper in my vomit.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
