so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
