Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
