mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Success! We fucked roommates!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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