Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
