Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
