grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he shaved USA in his pubs
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
