i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
