Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
