i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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