I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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