ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
