dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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